kayla345

i don't think i'll be live journaling any more;
i got a journal i really like, finally found one.

ha, i actually find it funny, somewhere inside me, that i've gotten through two days of being happy and nothing's-wrong-at-all, until now.

just fucking call her up, why don't you? oh, wait, you did! mmm good job.

whatever, it's not a big deal, i'll end up talking to you some time, i don't want to fight anymore it's bullshit but jesus christ jealousy will seriously make me sick to my stomach to the point where i'm sitting on the ground hung over the toilet thinking i'm going to be sick.

pathetic, muccchhh

today has been really good, because me and justin talked last night. i mean, we really needed to talk, and i finally got him to fess up.
i really love him, would do anything to make sure our relationship works without arguments every time we talk to each other.
so he told me what upsets him, and i mean i knew it was my fault we were on thin ice, but hearing it really was all me hurt a little.
i expected it, it wasn't that bad.
so today he left, and it hurts to know he will be gone for a little more than a few days, but no big deal, i'll find a way to see him when he gets back.
bringing ashley home in a little bit, i'll have time to read my book while justin is gone. although, i'm excited for lunch tomorrow with my mom and mrs. pietroniro :D

now that summer is here, i plan to have fun. i want to spend as much time as i can with justin, but i actually want to go out and do things with him instead of staying home, the usual.
i want to make plans with all my old friends, get back together with my old crowd. i miss you all so much.

i'm the worst girlfriend in this world,
seriously.

you really are no use to me

I'm really tired of people.

Help me fly, i am too afraid to try

i hold my breath too much.

once again, there's a lot more to say,
i just really don't feel like crying any harder.

I'm actually really scared. . .

i stayed in art class all day,
i'm seeing justin tomorrow.

i really want to know what's wrong with me.
i mean, i have a great life, i just don't act like it.

school tomorrow should be fun,
i will actually probably be better than today,
and today was pretty good.
it'll be friday, justin isn't going to school,
but i'll have fun all by myself : )

i'm actually kind of in a good mood right now

i have a lot more to say than this,
but i don't feel like saying any more than i have,
so i'm gonna go lay down and wait for the boy to call.

mmm, i really don't know.
sixth period was actually fun today : )

i think all i needed was less of a break,
to fix this thing.

i get so weird when i'm not around my person.
i love you, justin. i'm sorry for everything.

i'm completely helpless as to helping him when he's in a mood like this;
should that be saying something to me other than i'm a horrible girlfriend?

is it just more, or are things slowly starting to slip away form my grasp?
i think it's just my over-reactive-self. sounds about right.

he's being taken from me, i'm crying. i'm crying harder than i have ever cried in my life.

"No, Kayla, you don't have any text messages; He's an asshole."
No, he's not. You're the stupid one, how can you call him an asshole for leaving you alone when you were just bitching at him?
"My stomach hurts"
It always fucking hurts, suck it up.
"He wants me to be a happier person"
You know he has a reason to say that.
"I wish I was a happier person"
Changing isn't that hard.

i thought i was going to get through tonight without crying.



i was wrong.

justin's hereeeeee,i love you


"i think you're starting to like that" : D



i'm fuckin' hungry.

she loves and misses him and wants things to be the same between them again.
she was the first girl he kissed. . .

i'm blaming myself for not believing before, obviously it's not just going to stop. I want it to just be over with but it's not going away.

"i didn't respond so it doesn't even matter", it does matter. it's not the point of you responding or not, it's the fact that she won't leave you the fuck alone.

i feel so pathetic;

"as a 14 year old you have to realize he isn't your forever."
he is everything i could wish for to be my forever.
i'm sitting here crying because i hate when people say it.
i'm young. he's young. this isn't forever? i can't. . .

you really can't expect things,
life doesn't work around what you think is going to happen.

going to eat breakfast with my mom
dentist, female doctor, regular doctor
my fuckin' schedule for today >:(

10:40 a.m.
I just remembered;
i called justin my best friend,
when me and him weren't dating.
he got upset every time i would talk to him.
i feel horrible, that was so wrong. . .

4:37 p.m.
i'm in that mood where i wish i could go back

to the times when there wasn't sex,

i was against drugs completely, as were my friend.

growing up has become too much for me.

today was horrible, this mood will go away.

5:31 p.m.
a year ago
i was like, a kid.
i don't feel like a kid anymore
there's drugs everywhere
pregnant teenagers
birth control for god sake
worrying about getting caught
doing , like, anything teenagers do these days
or maybe i'm saying i want to grow up
and get out of this period of time where it feels like there is always something wrong in the world
in my world
in a teenagers world
there's always something
always something to worry about,
always something to cry about, even if you're not think about it at that moment
i don't want to look at my past but i'm really afraid of my future
if this is what growing up has been like so far,
what's next?

i can't fucking stand when this happens.
oh i'll be seeing him! woohoo! oh, just kidding,
cause you know. shit happens. what the fuck ever, seriously.

i have homework to do. two papers, and two reading logs.

7:17 p.m.
my stomach hurts really bad and i just made the mistake of eating
:'( haven't talked to justin in like, 4 hours.

i want to lay down and cry. i don't know why, exactly, but. . .
i don't know right now. i have to do my homework, though : (

7:39 p.m.
the thing on my wrist, needs to be cut open.

9:49 p.m.
what's going on, justin? why are you acting like this?
i know earlier sucked but why can't we forget it?

i hate this. i hate when this happens. i can't stand when he
acts like this; i feel like i am a horrible girlfriend.

10:06 p.m.
i used to be so skinny, bro. wtf.