kayla345

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 04:08:27 GMT

i don't think i'll be live journaling any more;
i got a journal i really like, finally found one.

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 21:28:39 GMT

ha, i actually find it funny, somewhere inside me, that i've gotten through two days of being happy and nothing's-wrong-at-all, until now.

just fucking call her up, why don't you? oh, wait, you did! mmm good job.

whatever, it's not a big deal, i'll end up talking to you some time, i don't want to fight anymore it's bullshit but jesus christ jealousy will seriously make me sick to my stomach to the point where i'm sitting on the ground hung over the toilet thinking i'm going to be sick.

pathetic, muccchhh

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 01:06:37 GMT

today has been really good, because me and justin talked last night. i mean, we really needed to talk, and i finally got him to fess up.
i really love him, would do anything to make sure our relationship works without arguments every time we talk to each other.
so he told me what upsets him, and i mean i knew it was my fault we were on thin ice, but hearing it really was all me hurt a little.
i expected it, it wasn't that bad.
so today he left, and it hurts to know he will be gone for a little more than a few days, but no big deal, i'll find a way to see him when he gets back.
bringing ashley home in a little bit, i'll have time to read my book while justin is gone. although, i'm excited for lunch tomorrow with my mom and mrs. pietroniro :D

now that summer is here, i plan to have fun. i want to spend as much time as i can with justin, but i actually want to go out and do things with him instead of staying home, the usual.
i want to make plans with all my old friends, get back together with my old crowd. i miss you all so much.

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 03:53:05 GMT

i'm the worst girlfriend in this world,
seriously.

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 17:48:21 GMT

you really are no use to me

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 22:33:21 GMT

I'm really tired of people.

Help me fly, i am too afraid to try

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 02:07:31 GMT

i hold my breath too much.

once again, there's a lot more to say,
i just really don't feel like crying any harder.

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 18:41:42 GMT

I'm actually really scared. . .

i stayed in art class all day,
i'm seeing justin tomorrow.

i really want to know what's wrong with me.
i mean, i have a great life, i just don't act like it.

school tomorrow should be fun,
i will actually probably be better than today,
and today was pretty good.
it'll be friday, justin isn't going to school,
but i'll have fun all by myself : )

i'm actually kind of in a good mood right now

i have a lot more to say than this,
but i don't feel like saying any more than i have,
so i'm gonna go lay down and wait for the boy to call.

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 18:47:58 GMT

mmm, i really don't know.
sixth period was actually fun today : )

i think all i needed was less of a break,
to fix this thing.

i get so weird when i'm not around my person.
i love you, justin. i'm sorry for everything.

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 01:09:00 GMT

i'm completely helpless as to helping him when he's in a mood like this;
should that be saying something to me other than i'm a horrible girlfriend?

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 21:32:39 GMT

is it just more, or are things slowly starting to slip away form my grasp?
i think it's just my over-reactive-self. sounds about right.

Sun, 31 May 2009 04:10:17 GMT

he's being taken from me, i'm crying. i'm crying harder than i have ever cried in my life.

Wed, 27 May 2009 01:29:19 GMT

"No, Kayla, you don't have any text messages; He's an asshole."
No, he's not. You're the stupid one, how can you call him an asshole for leaving you alone when you were just bitching at him?
"My stomach hurts"
It always fucking hurts, suck it up.
"He wants me to be a happier person"
You know he has a reason to say that.
"I wish I was a happier person"
Changing isn't that hard.

Tue, 26 May 2009 02:47:44 GMT

i thought i was going to get through tonight without crying.

i was wrong.

: )

Wed, 20 May 2009 23:15:33 GMT

justin's hereeeeee,i love you

"i think you're starting to like that" : D

i'm fuckin' hungry.

Mon, 18 May 2009 02:36:28 GMT

she loves and misses him and wants things to be the same between them again.
she was the first girl he kissed. . .

i'm blaming myself for not believing before, obviously it's not just going to stop. I want it to just be over with but it's not going away.

"i didn't respond so it doesn't even matter", it does matter. it's not the point of you responding or not, it's the fact that she won't leave you the fuck alone.

Sat, 09 May 2009 03:29:22 GMT

i feel so pathetic;

"as a 14 year old you have to realize he isn't your forever."
he is everything i could wish for to be my forever.
i'm sitting here crying because i hate when people say it.
i'm young. he's young. this isn't forever? i can't. . .

goes to show

Fri, 08 May 2009 22:49:16 GMT

you really can't expect things,
life doesn't work around what you think is going to happen.

Thu, 07 May 2009 14:17:54 GMT

going to eat breakfast with my mom
dentist, female doctor, regular doctor
my fuckin' schedule for today >:(

10:40 a.m.
I just remembered;
i called justin my best friend,
when me and him weren't dating.
he got upset every time i would talk to him.
i feel horrible, that was so wrong. . .

4:37 p.m.
i'm in that mood where i wish i could go back

to the times when there wasn't sex,

i was against drugs completely, as were my friend.

growing up has become too much for me.

today was horrible, this mood will go away.

5:31 p.m.
a year ago
i was like, a kid.
i don't feel like a kid anymore
there's drugs everywhere
pregnant teenagers
birth control for god sake
worrying about getting caught
doing , like, anything teenagers do these days
or maybe i'm saying i want to grow up
and get out of this period of time where it feels like there is always something wrong in the world
in my world
in a teenagers world
there's always something
always something to worry about,
always something to cry about, even if you're not think about it at that moment
i don't want to look at my past but i'm really afraid of my future
if this is what growing up has been like so far,
what's next?

Tue, 05 May 2009 19:48:41 GMT

i can't fucking stand when this happens.
oh i'll be seeing him! woohoo! oh, just kidding,
cause you know. shit happens. what the fuck ever, seriously.

i have homework to do. two papers, and two reading logs.

7:17 p.m.
my stomach hurts really bad and i just made the mistake of eating
:'( haven't talked to justin in like, 4 hours.

i want to lay down and cry. i don't know why, exactly, but. . .
i don't know right now. i have to do my homework, though : (

7:39 p.m.
the thing on my wrist, needs to be cut open.

9:49 p.m.
what's going on, justin? why are you acting like this?
i know earlier sucked but why can't we forget it?

i hate this. i hate when this happens. i can't stand when he
acts like this; i feel like i am a horrible girlfriend.

10:06 p.m.
i used to be so skinny, bro. wtf.

Mon, 04 May 2009 18:53:48 GMT

i'm really annoyed

9:29 p.m.
i have two reading logs to do,
lovely. and a paper to write!

Sun, 03 May 2009 05:29:52 GMT

the night is young,
don't make me wait,
you just might miss your chance.
i'm the one fuckin' you.
today's the day girl don't let me get that,
don't get mad,
in fact, let me hit that.

4:24 a.m.
motha fuckin bed time,
now that we're waking up in two hours
FO DA BEACH < 3 : D

10:33 p.m.
my face is sunburned.
beach and lunch was good.
show, was pretty good,
until my boyfriend. . .
yeah : / whatever.

last night, me and ashley were being scene kids

fell asleep, woke up, went to the beach

i've learned that
expectations = disappointments

Sat, 02 May 2009 04:57:45 GMT

it's one in the morning,
i just got home from gc.
i'm really tired;
not in the mood for anything.

11:38
today was actually really good, until now.
why is it that, every night, it's the same thing?
i don't want this relationship to be like the last.
every night, something was wrong. :'(
i hate when he's upset, why can't i stop?

me and my mom spent 300 dollars shopping,
then justin came over and we went swimming.
thursday is my 'female doctor' appointment.
tomorrow, me and ashley are going to boca grande.
i don't want to have my phone with me tomorrow,
but no matter how many times i say that,
i know it's going to be in my hand every chance.

i'm really afraid of this being something bad. it starts out small, and grows. get hurt, i respond. you're fine? i respond anyway. i don't love you. i actually hate you. i hate you for hurting me and i hate you for being an asshole and i hate you for fucking me over and cheating on me. i don't miss you. i don't miss being with you. i never miss talking to you. you disgust me. you annoy me. what the hell is my problem, then? i care about justin more than i will ever care about you again. this isn't to convince myself, this is me hoping you will find this entry, and stop talking to me, for justin's sake. i feel like a terrible person. a REALLY terrible person. does that matter? no. . . not right now :'(

11:52
:'(

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 20:31:58 GMT

last night was really good, i had a lot of fun.
being with justin like that is great, i always have fun.

but then, right now, i'm like 'what the fuck.'
but you know, this mood will go away,
just like my moods always do. gonna go lay down,
i missed live journaling.

4:51 p.m.
i am trying really hard to figure out what is going on in my head, and it's hurting me to know i have no clue.

10:47 p.m.
on the phone, & really tired < 3

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 04:04:46 GMT

things have been great, meaning i have nothing to write on here. patheticccc.